didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
