YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
