i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
