Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
