Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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