i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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