he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
