i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
