o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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