I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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