Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
