oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
