did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
