we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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