I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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