if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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