mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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