i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
