Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
zippers are such a cool invention
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
