No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
