She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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