Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
