I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
