Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
And then he peed in my hair
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