had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
