Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
