I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
