Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Randomize
