i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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