i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
