I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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