the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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