If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
