you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
