I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
