There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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