Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
