It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
