I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you never un-have a 4some
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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