just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
