You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think my moral compass just broke
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
