I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
