Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
