So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
