I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
