You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
