my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
