Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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