I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
