I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
