i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
